My husband and I have been married for eight years. We weren’t always great communicators, and it’s something we continue to work on. When we were newly engaged, we participated in a marriage preparation class. I honestly thought it would be a waste of time, but I was wrong. We discussed a lot of topics that we hadn’t talked about yet. We learned more about each other, had some things to figure out, and now understood how important these conversations are in a relationship.
Here are ten things to discuss in a relationship.
1. Discuss each other’s values, work and personal.
Try to understand what is important to each other and why. What are your work values? What are your personal values? And why? How do they differ from your partners?
2. Discuss each other’s goals for the future.
What are your individual goals? What are your goals as a couple?
3. Discuss financial goals.
What are your financial goals? Will you keep your bank accounts separate or combine them? How will you handle big financial purchases as a couple?
4. Discuss relationship lifestyle.
What date nights do you like to have, and how often? How often do you want to travel? What are some things you like to do on your own? How will this change as life changes?
5. Discuss each other’s love languages.
What are each other’s love languages? Words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, or receiving gifts? What does this mean to each of you?
6. Discuss communication.
Yep, talk about communication. What does effective communication mean to you and your partner? This is an excellent quick read to learn more about communication in a relationship if you are unsure how to answer this question.
7. Discuss conflict.
Disagreements will happen. Discuss conflict resolution skills. What are your conflict resolution skills? What do you need from each other during and after a fight?
8. Discuss children.
Do you want to have children? If you have trouble conceiving, what would the plan be? How do you want to raise your children, parenting styles, and type of school? Discuss how you were each raised and your takeaways from your upbringing.
9. Discuss family and beliefs.
What are some family traditions or events you would like to continue? Other important relationships in your life? Other important family matters to discuss? Discuss your beliefs with each other.
10. Discuss where you see yourselves in 5-10 years.
Where do you see yourselves living? How do you envision your life looking as an individual and a couple?
Conclusion
These topics can not all be tackled at once. Discuss one or two at a time. Be open to each other’s responses. Keep the worldview in mind. A third person, like a therapist, pastor, marriage preparation leader, etc., can help navigate these questions and offer feedback. This isn’t a checklist. People change, couples change, so revisit these questions throughout your relationship. Take the time to communicate with each other.