Do you ever do things just because you feel you should do them? Do those same things ever stress you out or trigger anxiety symptoms? This topic has come up a lot for me lately when talking with friends. We all seem to be doing things just because we feel we should. For me, those things often bring out the worst in me. One example is feeling I should have my entire house in order before a big party. Some cleaning might be necessary, but making the whole house look like it is ready for listing photos is unnecessary and often impossible with three young children in the house. This “should” usually results in me being very stressed out and taking it out on my husband and sometimes my kids. I don’t want that, so I started to challenge this “should.” One way to challenge a “should” is by asking yourself the below questions.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself When Challenging a “Should”
- How important is this to me? Are you doing this task because it is important to you, or do you believe it is important to someone else and therefore “should” be important to you? Maybe it fills some of your cup to meet the needs and expectations of others or society, but at the same time, it might empty some (or a lot) of your cup. Pay attention to your needs too. It’s okay to say no.
- How is this choice affecting my mental health? Is it causing excessive stress or triggering anxiety symptoms? How would you feel if you didn’t do it?
- Will this “should” matter 1 hour from now? Or 5 hours? The next day? What would happen if you said no or didn’t do it?
Conclusion
We all have different triggers for stress and anxiety. If holding onto some unnecessary “shoulds” is triggering you, then the above three questions might help. Acknowledge the “shoulds” you want to challenge. Pick one “should” to work on at a time and be patient with yourself. You got this.