There is a lot that I didn’t know before having a baby. We can’t know everything, but being a little more informed about the below topics might have made it a little easier for me. Here are four things I didn’t realize would happen after baby.
Anxiety
I didn’t know I’d feel so overwhelmed, over-stimulated, and irrational. After my first baby, I remember thinking my husband was going to leave me. Not because he said he was going to or did anything to make me feel that way, but because I was so overwhelmed that I worried he felt the same way and wanted to bail. He didn’t want to bail, but he was overwhelmed too. The transition from zero kids to one kid is so tough. It’s a lot of other great things, but I was so not prepared for the anxiety. I continue to create a lot of awareness for myself, up my communication with my husband, and build up my coping skills toolbox.
Boobs and pelvic floor
My boobs changed, and suddenly I was experiencing incontinence. Three kids and years of pumping and breastfeeding later, I am morning the loss of my boobs. I never thought they would change this much, this fast, but I’m working on gratitude and acceptance with that (and maybe a boob job down the road).
Now to incontinence. After my second baby, I couldn’t hold my pee anymore, and it was awful. I wore a liner for about a year, and my self-confidence tanked. I felt gross and embarrassed. After a year, I finally made an appointment with my OBGYN to discuss options. I had never heard of a pessary before, but it changed my life. There are other options for incontinence you can discuss with your OBGYN too. According to the Urogynecology University of Colorado (2022), 4 in 10 women experience urinary incontinence, or involuntary loss of urine, during and following pregnancy. If you are reading this and experiencing incontinence, too, you are not alone; there are solutions.
Tanked sex drive
I noticed a difference in my sex drive for almost a full year while breastfeeding my second child. I honestly had no idea that my sex drive would decrease after having a baby and during breastfeeding. Not knowing this was normal, I felt like something was wrong with me, and my husband didn’t understand it either. According to Mayo Clinic (2022), hormone changes during pregnancy, after having a baby, and during breastfeeding can affect your sex drive. Having this information before the baby would have been extremely helpful for my husband and me.
Discovering my new self
I was four different sizes throughout pregnancy and postpartum. After each baby, it took me about a year to feel like some version of “me” again. My wardrobe suddenly revolved around breastfeeding/pumping-friendly shirts and comfortable pants on a belly after a C-section. I didn’t have time for things I did before. My day revolved around a tiny human. I am so thankful to have my kids, but I can be grateful and grieve the loss of my old self simultaneously, and so can you. Spend time on yourself and figure out who you are again.
Conclusion
An increase in anxiety, body changes, and decreased sex drive is normal and likely to happen during pregnancy and postpartum. This information can be beneficial to you and your partner. Having more information can help understand the changes that happen after baby and can open a line of communication about each other’s experiences and needs. You got this.
References
Mayo Clinic. (2022). Low Sex Drive in Women. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/symptoms-causes/syc-20374554
Urogynecology University of Colorado. (2022). Incontinence After Childbirth. https://urogyn.coloradowomenshealth.com/conditions/bladder/incontinence-after-childbirth.html