How to Challenge Negative Thoughts in 5 Steps

We all experience negative thoughts and negative self-talk. Sometimes those negative thoughts can prevent us from doing the things we want to do and being the person we really are. It wasn’t until my 30s that I started working on challenging my negative thoughts. I was great at helping others identify and challenge theirs but struggled to do that for myself. (Yes, therapists need to work on themselves too). Some frequent negative thoughts for me are, “You can’t wear that. Everyone will judge that look,” even though it is something I am comfortable in and feel it is a good expression of who I am. Another one is, “you are a bad mom.” Ugh, this one sucks and ruminates. I am a good mom. I have my moments that I reflect on at the end of the day, but I am a good mom.

Challenging these thoughts is a process and takes time, but some techniques can help. Techniques from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), an evidence-based psychotherapy treatment, can help individuals become aware of their negative thoughts and develop skills to challenge them.

Below are five steps you can use to challenge negative thoughts.

1. Our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all connected. Although we do not have direct control over our emotions, we can work on challenging our thoughts and addressing our undesirable actions to improve the way we feel. Understanding this is an essential first step.
2. Identify the situation and action. Think of a situation that led to an undesirable action. What was the situation? What was the action? For example, I went to a party (situation) and didn’t talk to anyone (undesirable action).
3. Identify the thought and feelings. Go back to your situation. Identify a thought and feeling you had that led to the undesirable action. An example might be: I went to a party (situation), I felt like I didn’t have anything interesting to say (thought), I felt sad and comfortable (feeling), and I didn’t talk to anyone (action).
4. Create alternative thoughts. When you review your Situation-Thought-Feeling-Action, what might have changed if you had a different thought? An example might be: Instead of thinking I didn’t have anything interesting to say, I changed my thought to “everyone here seems very nice. I’m sure they would like to talk to me.” What are some alternative thoughts you can have for your situation?
5. Identify your new feeling and new action. When you look at your alternative thoughts, what is the new feeling and action you might have with those thoughts? Going with the above example, I changed my thought to “everyone here seems very nice, I’m sure they would like to talk to me,” then I feel more relaxed, and my action is I talk to someone.

Conclusion

Just because we have a thought doesn’t mean it’s true. Read that one again. It can be really powerful. Acknowledging and challenging our negative thoughts is a skill. It takes time and practice, but it can be extremely helpful in our everyday life. Start with just one thought and undesirable action at a time.